One Step Closer

“Look I probably shouldn’t have said anything but I need you to know what I would do for him and what I won’t do for him. And that he’s my life. So I would rather stay here and suffer for him and protect him with my life. Now I know what my parents have gone thru with me all these years and still do with me. What they’ve done to make sure that Jimmy and I have everything that most single Mom’s don’t. They didn’t have to do that just so you know.” As she went into further explanation.

Looking at her he had to make sure that she knew that he wasn’t going to take him away from her. Taking her hand in his and smiling, “Look Ellie he looks like he’s in excellent health and is doing wonderful. I don’t have any qualms about how you’re raising him. I’m sorry that I gave you that impression, and I’m sorry if I gave you any impression that I want to take him away from you. ‘rubbing her hand with is thumb’ because that’s the last thing I wanted to do is give you that idea. Look I’m scared to death that everything I’m saying is wrong. I’m just…” but before he had a chance to say anymore Ellie cut in.

“Jon no I’m sorry I’m just on the defensive and I just love him so much. Look why don’t we stop blaming or accusing each other and just talk about Jimmy and how wonderful he is. Plus he’s going to love the present you got him.” She told him trying to be happy as she could.

“Well I, I got him a truck like you suggested and I thought maybe when he’s older I could see if he gets interested in music.” Jon told her he hoped.

“Well you never know it does run on both sides you know.” She told him.

“It does?” he asked her confused.

“I thought I told you my Grandfather on my Mom’s side was a Trumpet player famous one in fact here in Worcester. He led the Orchestra here in Worcester and taught piano and trumpet. Mom even said that everyone in the band would host a party every weekend or every other weekend and this one time they had this t.v. star come to the house. Now Mommy was about twelve years old I think and when she saw who it was she ran upstairs, they lived in a triple decker, and she hid underneath her bed and wouldn’t come out and Grandma Mary was so angry with her. Grandpa Charlie who adored her was trying to coach her to come out from underneath her bed but it was a no go.” Ellie told Jon laughing.

“So are you going to tell me who it was? Oh I know it had to be Bela Lugosi or Lon Chaney Jr. right?” Jon asked her curious.

“Nope. It was Rin Tin Tin.” Ellie told him laughing even harder.

Jon burst out laughing now too. They finally were feeling like they used too when this little boy came walking down the stairs rubbing his eyes wanting his Mommy. “Momma, Momma.” Jimmy was calling out to her at the bottom of the stairs.

She looked at Jon as she stopped laughing and said, “Will you excuse me a sec while I get him?”

“Sure go ahead I’ll be right here.” He said nervously.

Ellie went to get Jimmy and brought him back to where Jon was waiting. “Well here we are he’s still a little out of it but just give him a minute or two and he’ll start waking up more. ‘looking at Jimmy’ Jimmy do you remember Jon?” she asked him.

Jimmy looked at Jon and just dug his head into his Mother’s neck and mumbled something to them.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t understand him Ellie.” Jon told her confused.

Smiling she said to him, “He said no he didn’t and that he was hungry.” She was rubbing his back when Joe walked into the den.

“I thought I heard my nephew. Hey there slugger you want to come with me and get something to eat?” he asked Jimmy who turned to his uncle with outstretch arms.

“I don’t think so Joe we’re trying to get Jimmy to know Jon better remember?” she told her brother as she gave him the eye.

Thankfully Mary walked into the den with some milk and cookies. “Hey I thought that Jimmy could use a little snack while he sat with you guys. Joe why don’t you come with me I need to do some errands.” She told him as she tried to get him out of there but Joe wouldn’t hear of it. She took him by the hand and dragged him out of the room nearly kicking and screaming but they left together.

“Boy your brother really likes me doesn’t he?” Jon said to her sarcastically.

“Well he has his reasons Jon and it’s only partly you. He’s just very protective of me and Jimmy that’s all.” She told him.

“Well I remember he wanted you to date that friend of his what was his name Hugo?” Jon said smartassy.

“His name was Herbie and he really wasn’t the problem. But what happen after I got home is none of your business.” She told him flatly.

“Really? Why? Did something happen you don’t want me to know about?” he asked her concerned.

“I really don’t want to get into it in front of Jimmy please.” She told him as she started to get annoyed now. Jon agreed but only for now. Ellie let Jon give Jimmy his present and when he opened it is eyes grew big as saucers when he saw the big dump truck.

“Momma, Momma look at the truwk! Can I go play wiff it?” he asked Ellie.

“Well first what do you say to Jon?” she reminded him.

“Oh I sossy. Jon Tank You for my pestant.” He told him.

“Your quite welcome little man.” Jon told his son as his heart felt like it was going to bust when he saw his son’s face when he opened it up.  Ellie saw Jon’s face and her heart melted. She needed to explain to Jimmy that Jon was his Dad but how do you explain to a five year old that never had a father that now he does. Jon got down with Jimmy and started to play with him and his truck then Ellie told him to take him out back and in the corner of the backyard her Dad had put in a sandbox for him, so Jon picked him up and the truck and went out the back porch to the back yard. Ellie just told him to be careful of the pool. Jon just smiled at her as they went out to the sandbox.

Ellie went into the kitchen to get some sodas for her and Jon and some milk for Jimmy when her parents walked in. “Where did you two go?” she asked them.

“We went next door over to the Forbes. We heard Jimmy and Jon by the sandbox so we told them that we needed to see what was going on and probably be back later.” Cecelia told her.

“How are Adam and Ashley?” she asked them trying to change the subject.

“They’re fine wanted to know if Jimmy could play with them later. So Jon’s playing with him first I see?” she asked her daughter as Paul went to grab myself a beer.

“Yes he is and I’m going out back with some drinks before Joe jumps ship from Mary. He’s being a pain.” She told her parents.

“He’s just being over protective you know that.” Her father told her.

“I know but it gets real annoying after a while.” She told them. “I better get going before Jimmy starts to get antsy on him. He really doesn’t know him and I don’t want him to get scared. Jon may not know what to do.” She told them smiling. She walked out to the back yard and saw the cutest site she ever saw. Both of them playing in the sand box and she really couldn’t tell which one was the biggest kid. Her heart was beating faster than it had ever in a long time when it came to him.  She walked over to the two of them and sat down in the chair that she had put there earlier. “Hey having fun you two?”

Looking up at her Jon just smiled. “Yeah we’re having a ball, and you were right he’s smart as a whip.”

“I told you didn’t I? He seems to be taken with you. Is there anyone you can’t charm?” she asked him smiling.

“Well there seems to be you?” he told her looking at her with all this renewed love in his heart.

“What do you mean?” she asked him. “You charmed me years ago or have you forgotten?” she asked him.

“Yeah well that was years ago what about now?” he wanted to know.

“Well I just showed you I’ve been busy. Plus I’ve grown up and I don’t think you really have now have you?” she told him while he was stilling sitting in the sandbox playing trucks as she smiled at them.

“I can see that you haven’t lost your sense of humor have you? So do you want to come in and play?” he asked her with that wicked grin on his face.

“Funny I was going to ask you if you want to come out and have something cold to drink.” She told him.

“A beer?” he asked her as he perked up.

“No a soda you did drive here right?” she told him.

“Yeah I did. That would be fine.” He said as he got up and joined her. She bent down and gave Jimmy his sippy cup to him as he took it too happily and continue to play with his new truck and all the others.

“So Ellie do you ever get out?” he wanted to know.

She just looked at him strangely and wanted to know where he was going with this. “Why do you want to know? I mean Jon does it look like I get out? I already told you this. I mean Joe and Mary tried and get me to go out with them. I did a couple of times. Even got picked up a few times that was an experience. Even had a boyfriend for a while but that ended well let’s just say not good.” She told him without getting into the details.

Jon just looked at her then finally asked her, “What do you mean not very good? He didn’t do anything to Jimmy did he?” he asked her nervously.

She was glad that he asked about Jimmy instead of her. “No he didn’t hurt Jimmy it just wasn’t a good fit and you know my family they just don’t like me dating the wrong guys that’s all. The last few years well haven’t been the greatest.” She told him hoping he bought that.

“I’m sorry if I was part of that Ellie.” He told her feeling really guilty even thou he knew it was now his Mother’s fault.

“Well we know whose fault it was that kept us apart Jon. I don’t blame you anymore.” She told him.

“Thanks, I did talk to my Mom and well you’re not going to like it.” He told her as he reached out to take her hand again but this time she just pretended she didn’t see him and took a sip of her soda. He didn’t like that very much but decided not to mention it because he didn’t want her to get mad at him. “She did admit it. She admitted everything. She wanted me to go and be what I wanted to and not be tied down.” He told her ashamed at what his mother had done to them.

Ellie just sat there and couldn’t believe she actually admitted it Jon.  “Did she read my letters Jon? Did she know that I was pregnant? Is that why she didn’t want me with you?” she asked him shocked.

“No I don’t think so because she seemed really shocked to find out that’s she even had a grandson. I told her don’t even think about meeting him until she got her sh… stuff together.” He told her smiling when he almost made that slip on his swearing. “It’s hard isn’t it?” He told her looking at Jimmy while he was playing.

“What? Not swearing?  Tell me about it. I don’t in front of him but when he’s not around I swear like a sailor.” She told him grinning as she took another sip.

“Look Ellie I’m going to cut to the chase are you doing anything tonight?” he asked her hoping that she didn’t.  She looked at him and nearly choking on her soda. “Are you ok?” he asked her as she stopped him from trying to help her.

“Yeah I’m fine. What? You want to what?” she asked him as she thought she was hearing things.

“I want to know if you want to go out tonight you know if you want to that is.” He asked her as he was actually nervous to ask her out for the first time in a long time to ask a girl out.

She thought about it for a minute as she smiled at him. She really hasn’t gone out except with Joe and his girlfriends and then there was Michael and he was in jail for hopefully quite some time. “Well I was invited to Cyndi’s party tonight but I declined.” She told him smiling.

Looking at her strangely at why she didn’t go he asked her, “Well why didn’t you go?”

“Because I didn’t want to and because I’m exhausted. Besides I don’t like burdening my family into taking care of Jimmy all the time. Mom and Dad look after him while I’m working. I mean they all don’t complain they love him and spoil him rotten just like Grandma Mary did to me and Joey. Besides I don’t get to spend that much time with him during the week you know? So the weekends are our time together.” She explained to him.

Looking at her and seeing the love in her eyes when she speaks about him, “Do you ever regret having him Ellie? Did you ever think for once about well you? Or give him up?” Jon wanted to know.

Shaking her head no, “After getting over the fear about being pregnant in the first place and how my parents were going to react, which by the way wasn’t good at first. But then when they realized that it was happening after about five seconds into finding put they were great. And there was no other answer we were going to keep him. Sure people talked but you should have heard Daddy put a stop to that really fast.” She told him proudly.

“Really? Well you always told me that your family was tight and that you guys stuck up for each other. But I definitely can see why everyone would be afraid of him.” Jon told her.

“Well that and a couple of my cousins fucked up too so it was like the pot calling the kettle black so when their parents were talking shit it just pissed Mom and Dad off and they called them on it. You don’t say anything about their kids. You just don’t.” Ellie said proudly.

“Well I guess not. But you still haven’t answered my question.” He told her.

“What was that?” she asked as she had totally forgotten.

“Will you go out with me tonight?” he asked her sincerely.

“Jon it’s really short notice and I don’t want to…” she was trying to get across to him when he interjected.

“Well you won’t know unless you ask them right? Look Ellie we need to talk and we need to be alone. No family or friends and band members ok? Can we just please do this because right now I have time but in the next couple of days I have non-stop crap to do and I don’t know when I’ll be able to get together again without having a million people around us. I thought this was important to you too?” Jon ranted to her and wanted to know if she felt the same way when Jimmy looked up at the two of them and yelled out, “Crap!”

Jon just sat there stunned when he heard his son mimic him as Ellie just sat there and gave him a death stare. “Ellie I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he was listening I thought he was playing with his trucks.” Jon babbled as he was trying to apologize to her when all of a sudden she burst out laughing. He sat there again stunned and didn’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry Jon but you should see your face it’s priceless. Look he didn’t say anything bad ok? So chill. And he knows not to repeat the bad words because I told him not to or Santa won’t come on Christmas if he does. Plus I don’t consider that a bad word so you’re safe.” She told him still giggling off and on.

“You’re mean do you know that?” he told her with a sour puss on his face.

“Oh get over it will you. I can see that I’m going to be the meany in the family and you’re going to be the push over.” She told him chuckling.

“You know maybe you can stay at home because I don’t date mean girls.” He told her pouting.

“Oh God you still do that?” she asked him.

“Do what?” he asked her with that inquisitive face of his.

“You know damn well that sexy pout of yours.” She told him smiling. As they were talking Jimmy stood up and told Ellie he had to go potty again and Ellie told him that she would be right back but Jon stopped her.

“Would you mind if I take?” he asked her.

“You serious?” she wanted to know.

“Sure your potty training him right? I think I can handle that.” So Ellie let him take Jimmy to the bathroom but would have loved to have been a fly on the wall. Paul and Cecelia were in the kitchen when they saw Jon walk in the bathroom with him and exchanged smiles. It took Jon a little bit to help Jimmy with everything but Jimmy told him that he would get the hang of it. Jon laughed and told him Thank You for the encouragement. When Jimmy was finished he asked Jon to pull his stool over for him so he could wash his hands. Jon asked where it was and Jimmy told him it was underneath the sink so he opened the cabinet doors to take it out. Once finish they left the bathroom and Jon asked Jimmy if he could go back out to his Mom so he could talk to his grandparents.

Ellie saw Jimmy coming out of the porch but didn’t see Jon. Thinking nothing of it at first she just thought maybe he had to go too and sent Jimmy along ahead of him.

Meanwhile back in the kitchen Jon gathered his courage to ask her parents a question. “Mr. and Mrs. Anderson I was wondering if you could watch Jimmy tonight so I can take Ellie out? She told me that she hardly gets out and um well we need to talk so I thought if we could get away and discuss some things privately we can come to some sort decision a financial arrangement.” He told them.

They looked at each other and even thou Paul wanted to tell him to stick it and that things were just fine the way they were Cecelia explained to him that Jimmy was his child also and it was about time that he stepped up to the plate. He just didn’t want his daughter to go thru that pain again when Jon dropped her again when this became old to him. So Cecelia spoke up, “We’ll take care of him just tell her everything will be fine. Or when she comes back in here we’ll back you up. She gets her stubbornness from her father.” She told Jon as Paul gave her the eye.

Jon went back out in the back yard and sat back down next to her. He was smiling at her and she thought that was getting really weird now. “Ok what did you do?” she asked him suspiciously.

Still smiling, “Ok don’t get mad at me but I asked your parents to look after Jimmy tonight so I can take you?” he told her waiting for her to explode.

She didn’t explode but she wasn’t happy either. “Jon we just talked about this and you went behind my back? I told you I’m tired and I don’t want to go out.” She told him very strongly.

“I know but I really need to talk to you and the faster we do it the better. So why don’t you go put something a little nicer on than just jeans and a t-shirt ok?” he asked her smiling that sexy smile that gets the girls panties to drop.

“Well what do you want me to put on? Casual or dressy or in-between? Because Jon you’re not giving me much here.” She told him getting a little annoyed now.

“Casual alright, but no concert t’s I want to show you off. We’ll go get some dinner then we’ll go and talk out what we’re going to do about Jimmy how’s that?” he asked her. She just shooked her head and went back into the house to get dressed. She wasn’t kidding because she was tired. Working a full time job took its toll on her but she wasn’t about to saying anything because she had her son to raise. She was getting a lot of crap from her period lately and had made an appointment with her Gyno and she was hoping that she wasn’t having all that crap happening to her again not to mention her migraines.

Finally Jon brought Jimmy into the house as Jimmy was getting a little antsy and wanted something to drink. Cecelia was making dinner and she could see that Jimmy was getting cranky. She looked over to her husband and asked him to grab a sippy cup and pour some milk into it and hand it to Jimmy.  When he did Jimmy wanted his Grandpa. “Don't feel too upset over this Jon, he does this to Ellie to.” Paul told him just as Ellie came down stairs.

“Wow you look great.” Jon told Ellie as he kept staring at her.

“Well thanks I guess. Is Jimmy ok? What’s the matter I heard crying.” She asked them hoping that she couldn’t leave the house.

“He’s fine just wanted his sippy cup and his Grampy right buddy? Just go and have a good time Honey he’ll be fine.” Her father told her while he held his grandson. Ellie just smile halfheartedly and Jon grinned from ear to ear. She knew this was going to be a long night.